Spring is coming to a close, and I find myself reflecting on my own rash actions that have led to this life. Not regret, for that is one of the three sins, but understanding.
I was hurt when the Ikoma rejected me, when Yuki left at the end of winter. Hurt and angry. I made a request of the Yotogi that was unreasonable. I did not expect the Crane to come to me. I know now she was whispering poison. I ignored it, enchanted by the thought of joining the household of one whom I held in high esteem.
I had everything I wanted for all of a week. Then the reply to my forgotten request came. For his own reasons, the Yotogi had granted my favour. I could not refuse this task granted by my daimyo, at my own request. I could not go back among the Lion, knowing I would someday join the house of their enemies.
I had turned my back on my friends, and was unable to yet join my new allies. So now I write this at a table in a Scorpion house and ponder where it all went wrong, and what I can do to get through this.